My temporary foray into temporary work continues. The grand beaver is absent from the office so I can blog instead of beaver without fear of being rumbled. Occasionally his underling will venture over to tell me he has been cutting and pasting however I can see him approaching and have plenty of time to switch to my spreadsheet and highlight a row.
I can also see rows of creamy cubicles, broken only by the tops of black Dell monitors and deflated red helium balloons attached to commemorate cup cake day last week. Occasionally a deflated worker will rise and exhale before sinking back to their seat to do whatever it is they do.
On the wall in front of me are photocopied pictures of Edward and Jacob from the Twilight movies. They are covered in different coloured post-it notes with the names of staff members written on them. Edward has 13 supporters, Jacob has 9. I don’t think this is a competition; people have just stuck their post-it notes on for something to do.
At 3.30pm today someone will take the quiz from the Herald Sun into the break-out room and everyone will gather as the questions are read out. People will attempt to answer the questions although no score is kept and no prizes are awarded. Yesterday one man knew what PDF stood for and everyone laughed at him and said that only he would know what PDF stood for. He laughed as well but I knew he was crying inside and wished he didn’t know what PDF stood for. PDF stood for Portable Document Format.
It’s very quiet. I’ve just been to the toilet and there was someone in one of the cubicles pulling out sheet after sheet of toilet tissue. I couldn’t hear any nose blowing or bottom wiping so can only assume the tissue was to soak up tears. Perhaps it was the PDF man. You could spend the whole day crying in the toilet and nobody would know, as long as you cried quietly.
Perhaps I should print this just to see what printer I am connected to.
I’ve just looked in the draws under my desk for the first time and found four name badges for Zipporah Szalay, two little packets of tea tonic Chamomile Tea and a Ndebele Sangoma Doll. According to the attached card it was handmade in South Africa. “It is believed that she reveals the will of the spirits. The Sangoma is revered as the protector of society and her opinion and judgement are highly valued.” This is a picture of my new friend.
The next company on the list to contact is called Nippon Meat Packers. I’m going back to the toilets to start crying.
you are amazing, I think we might be soul mates.
ReplyDeleteI work 50 meters from said breakout room
the doll is safe
we have named her rafiki
Remarkably, I have stumbled upon your blog. I am the true owner of (the nametags) and doll. I will send someone to your workplace to retrieve her.
ReplyDeletePs - I can also send some more work your way (assuming you're still employed there) to brighten up your day.
Brilliant! I haven't worked at Beaver Central for over a year and after hearing rumours my blog had leaked all over the 40th floor, I doubt I'll be allowed back in the building.
ReplyDeleteLast I heard your doll was gazing benevolently down on the Beavers from atop of the white board used to keep track of how many Beavers have said 'NO!' to the Ultimate Beaver Campaign. I left your nametags in the draw.
Thank you for your kind offer of sending work to brighten my day, although in truth the only thing that could have made things better would have been a half a bottle of vodka and a pack of rohypnol.