Harry Potter and the Half-Arsed Wand

Here's a photo from the World premiere of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 in London.

Here's a photo from the New Zealand premiere of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 in Christchurch.

Here's a photo of two girls attending the New Zealand premiere after an encounter with the two people in the previous photo.

The press would have you believe that those girls were visibly upset due to the franchise that shaped most of their lives coming to an end but as shown by recent revelations in the U.K, the press cannot be trusted and spend all their time listening to your phone messages or pretending to be Hugh Grant on the blower.

The spend on the NZ premiere was equivalent to Emma Watson's boob tape budget which is probably why myself and Cared Jorbin (not his real name), were hired to be Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape. I think we did a pretty good job with limited resources and Cared even kindly fashioned me a wand by snapping a bit of dowel he found in the Hoyts Riccarton storage room in half.

Not that the wand saw the light of day much. I ended up being the ticket gatherer at the end of the black carpet with both hands cupping a bowl for people to pop their tickets in. My splintery wand stayed firmly down my pants. My plosive repartee went like this...

'Welcome. Have you seen P......OTTER?'
'P...UT your ticket in my P......OTIONS P.....OT!'
'Join Slytherin.'
And repeat 299 times.

I admit my Potter knowledge was severusly limited (hilarious!). All I could remember was that Alan Rickman liked to scream Potter often and spit on his Ps as all classically trained RADA thesps are trained to do. The obligatory Shortland Street stars were also in attendance and to my horror some moron with a camera insisted I and the other actors have our photos taken with them. How the mighty had fallen. Many years ago when my career was hovering between rock bottom and the glass ceiling I was a star on Shortland Street for three episodes and here's a photo to prove it.

Now I was reduced to being a glorified usher with a bit of wood down his pants. I had the hump big-time and pulled as much of my black wig over my face to preserve via anonymity what was left of my dignity. I also had the hump because I really wanted to be Hermione Grainger and wasn't allowed to. I even spent minutes preparing a photo to prove I could pull it off...

 

...to no avail.