Blue Feelers

It's been over a month since my last post. I'm sure you've all been thinking I must have got famous and had no time to blog due to endless drunken drug fuelled sausage fry ups with Kate Winslet at Richard Branson's house, but thankfully nothing could be further from the truth. The only jet-setting I've been doing is crossing the Tasman Sea many times to travel around New Zealand screaming at Feelers posters. Here I am screaming at one in New Plymouth.

FEEEEEEEEEELEEEEERRRSS!

Their new album is called Hope Nature Forgives but clearly nature is still angry with them and punishing us with hurricanes, earthquakes and lightning strikes on Richard Branson's mother. I was all ready to flop out my fire sprinkler to pisstreat their poster but my good friend Cal, who kindly captured my primal scream, said I shouldn't in case some of my revenge urine ended up splashing her jacket which I'm wearing because it was bloody freezing and I didn't have a nice warm jacket and she had two. To be honest the jacket looked much better on me that it did on Cal so if she is a true friend she will give it to me. She already gave me two pairs of her jeans so must have finally realised all her clothes look better on me. If you go here (NSFW) you will see me in her yoga outfit and I look pretty pretty.

I think for my next post I will listen to the entire new Feelers album naked and type my responses in a stream of conscious tourette's so look out for that one.

Here are some more photos from the last 37 days...

New Plymouth is in Taranaki where family violence is NOT OK! It IS OK! everywhere else in New Zealand though, especially in households that own one or more FEELERS! albums.

Another thing that is NOT OK! is JETSTAR!

JETSTAAAAAAAARRRRR!

I was on the top flight to Wellington...JQ286, aka FA-Q286. Look when we were originally scheduled to leave. Look when we were scheduled to board! Look at the current time! Not a word of an explanation or apology from Jetstar, just a big FA-Q to the 286 saps who had saved $20 they were now wishing they could spend on razor blades, Hennessy and Feelers albums. The only good thing about flying Jetstar is that you don't have to suffer through Air New Zealand's hilarious inflight safety briefing video. Still, it could have been worse. At least when we finally got to Wellington I wasn't the owner of this suitcase...

JETSTAAAAAAAARRRRR!

It snowed in Christchurch. That was The Feelers fault. I was cold. That was Cal's fault.

Where's my jacket CAAAAAAAL?!

Here's a meal I cooked with the cat looking on enviously in the background.

I was so excited about eating it I forgot to chew my steak properly and spent the next three hours hunched over the toilet tickling my soft palate to bring it all back up again. I can't blame anyone else for that except my spasming gullet.

Here's a photo of an abandoned vacuum cleaner at the steps of Collingwood train station that looks exactly like the vacuum cleaner I abandoned in Auckland. For a second I thought it was my vacuum cleaner that had followed me to my new home like a cat that likes to suck things but it wasn't. I felt a bit sorry for it until I realised I hated that vacuum cleaner and it sucked almost as much as The Feelers. I blogged about it here.

Right, one last photo to give you a feel for some of the entertainment I was involved in providing. This one was taken at Doug & Dot's Motel and Spa/Laundry in Blenheim.

Great stuff!

This has been a bit of a bitchy negative blog so I'm going to finish by providing a link to a young man who I firmly believe to be the next BIG THING! in NZ MUSIC! His name is PattyBoy and to my shame I'd never heard of him until my friend and director Heroic Faun Number 3 sent me an email this afternoon. If you only click on one link in all my posts make it this one! The backing dancers in 'Buzzy' are worth the price of admission alone and anyone who can make autotune sound out of tune in the seminal dance anthem 'Disco Erection' deserves to be noticed by a wider audience. He's even got skinnier whiter legs than mine. O for awesome!