Big Tony

The following is a transcript of Tony Abbott's interview with Big Brother on Wednesday Sept 4th.

BB: Hello Tony, this is Big Brother.
TA: Hello Big Brother, this is Tony Abbott. I've got two B's in my name, just like you! Heh heh heh.
BB: Yes you do Tony.
TA: I've also got two daughters. They're tall and not bad looking.
BB: Yes Tony, your daughters look lovely.
TA: They have sex appeal.
BB: If you say so.
TA I just did.
BB: Why should our contestants vote for you Tony?
TA: I will stop the boats.
BB: Anything else?
TA: My daughters are not bad looking.
BB: You've already said that.
TA: I will stop the boats.
BB: You've already said that too.
TA: Fair dinkum.
BB: What's fair dinkum?
TA: Fair dinkum.
BB: You've already said fair dinkum.
TA: Fair dinkum.
BB: How will you stop the boats?
TA: By cutting 4.5 billion of foreign aid.
BB: How will that stop the boats?
TA: All the foreigners will die of aids.
BB: Please explain.
TA: Labour wants to waste 4.5 billion on helping foreigners with aids. By cutting this foreign aid all foreigners will die of aids and won't get on boats.
BB: That's not how...
TA: I like Foreigner, but I like Nickelback more. So does Joe Hockey.
BB: Mr Abbott...
TA: (Singing) This is how you remind me of what I really am...
BB: What about global warming?
TA: I will stop the global warming
BB: How?
TA: By keeping my hot daughters in the kitchen. Heh heh heh.
BB: Anything else?
TA: Fair dinkum.
BB: What about internet porn?
TA: I will stop the internet porn.
BB: How?
TA: By not building the National Broadband Network.
BB: That won't work.
TA: I will invest in fair dinkum dial-up so fair dinkum Australians cannot downloaddiddily dinkum anything. My daughters are porn enough for Australia. They have sexy appeal.
BB: Public transport?
TA: I will stop the public transport.
BB: Roads?
TA: I will not stop the roads.
BB: Anything else?
TA: I will stop everything else.
BB: Including gay marriage?
TA: Gay people will be put on the boats I buy from Indonesian fishermen and sent to New Zealand.
BB: Why New Zealand?
TA: New Zealand is gay.
BB: Didn't you marry a New Zealander?
TA: Are you calling me gay?
BB: No, but...
TA: I'll punch you mate, and your wall. I'm a boxer, I'm a cyclist, I'm a jogger...I worked out with the army last week!
BB: Calm down Tony.
TA: Are you a baddie?
BB: No.
TA: Are you a goodie?
BB: Yes.
TA: Fair dinkum.
BB: Thank you Tony.
TA: Heh heh heh.