For $22 you could also spend 8 hours wandering around three gigantic halls getting absolutely rat-arsed. After four days of meticulous observation and statistical analysis I have prepared the following bar graph.
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At the food show you could go and get lots of free wine samples and by midday people were staggering around being low rent and obnoxious. I was dressed as a Belgian beer maker in full Shakespearian attire with a large grey moustache and the drunk people just loved me. On the Thursday I was Napoleon Bonoparte with very large pantaloons that I had to hold up for fear of exposing my little general to the general public. I won't go into details as to why I was dressed like this, it was incredibly creatively fulfilling and I produced some of my best work and I can now pour a very good pint. The point I want to make is that the general public are arseholes.
They really are. I'm sure there is some equation to prove the number of dickheads increases exponentially in relation to group size, alcohol consumed and ridiculousness of the costume you're wearing. Perhaps something like this:
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Jared and I were giving away free beer and even then a lot of them were rude and belligerent. They had paid their $22 and that meant they were going to get drunk, their children were going to get drunk, they would eat enough to last them for a week and their children could kick Napoleon in the balls. Jared who was slowly dying alongside me, actually heard some delightful father say to their whining spawn, "No, we're not leaving, you haven't eaten enough yet." Last year I used the ancient put-down line, 'If I wanted to hear from an arsehole I'd fart' to some large man who wouldn't shut up and then he promptly proceeded to pull down his pants and show me his arse-hole before falling over and spilling his free glass of beer over his own anus. The image is forever burned on my retinas, like I'd stared at a big brown sun. This happened at 2pm on a Sunday.
I'm not sure why this happens. Sure the booze plays a part, however even without it, the general public are stupid, rude, dumb, thick, annoying, punchable and a bunch of muhs. It should be compulsory for everyone to work at least six months in a service industry, either in a cafe, bar, in retail, dressed as Napoleon and then maybe they would understand how horrible they as members of the general public have been and change their ways. Yes, I admit it goes both ways, there have been many situations where I have smiled and been very plesant while ordering a coffee only to be graced with a look reserved for someone who has farted in a broken lift. Bad service is intolerable however if you, as a member of the GP have given bad customerice you should expect bad service in return. You hear stories about waiting staff spitting, or whacking off into the food of rude diners however if they were allowed to do it in front of the diners at the table it would be much more effective. If I'd been allowed to do that while dressed as Napoleon I would have felt much better. I would probably be in hospital, but would feel much better.
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