A few more of my fovourite things.

Last month I listed five of my favourite things about Christchurch and now it is my pleasure to give you five more. That will bring the total of my favourite things about Christchurch to 10, which is 2 in binary. Not being a geek I had to check this and stumbled across this page featuring this picture of this hilarious t-shirt. This is how they sell it:

"Do you enjoy watching the desperately puzzled faces of your co-workers day in and day out? Then we are sure you'll enjoy being the source of their frustrations as you stride down the fluorescent hallways with this fine koan of a t-shirt..."

Koan!!!!?

This should read as:

"Do you enjoy watching the desperate faces of your co-workers day in and day out as they try to avoid having anything to do with you? Then we are sure you'll enjoy being the source of derision and loathing as you stride down the fluroescent hallways with this fine koan of a t-shirt that makes you look like the bellend you are."

I'm too scared to look at all the other shit they have on offer. It's one of those unconundrumable conundrums that geeks in general earn lots of money and then spend it all on shit like HTTPanties, Chain Mail shirts and Muse albums. Most people who earn lots of money spend it all on utter crap, the only people who have good taste are the poor and have to make do with pictures of ladies with blue faces, second hand records and a laminated map of the world in the bog. Its the same with old people. Old people have lots of money because they've worked all their life and bought their house for 5 pounds and then they spend all their money on a really flash car so they can drive in comfort at 38 km per hour for the rest of their lives.

I'm sorry, this is meant to be a positive post so I will stop and continue my list from last month.

6. The weather

Yes, I know I already mentioned this at number 2 but the weather is lovely today.

7. The Press cryptic crossword.

The Christchurch Press is a gererally dire newspaper except for the cryptic crossword. On page five of The Press today there is a fascinating article entitled 'Variety the spice of spring day' which informs readers that yesterday it was sunny, before it rained and hailed. This riveting piece continues, "The day dawned sunny with temperatures rising to 17 degrees celsius. However, storm clouds gathered about 2pm with intermittent rain and hail in preparation for a forecast overnight low of 1C." I had wondered what those dark ominous things in the sky that cried on me yesterday were and now I know...but an overnight low of 1C, that is perilously close to a frost...what about my tomatoes? "Gardeners would be pleased to note that Trewinnard [Blue Skies Weather forecaster] did not expect frosts this week - ""so don't worry about the tomatoes."" Thats a bloody big call you're making there Trewinnard, you will have the juice of every frosted tomato in Christchurch on your hands if you're wrong Trewinnard and I'm angry at you already for making me use so many speech marks in the previous sentence incorrectly. What is the correct punctuational procedure for a quote within a quote? Please help.

Anyway, back to the crossword.

I love the cryptic crossword. I don't do them in Auckland but down here I have a crack every day. At The Court Theatre I photocopy it and then sit in the green room with my bacon and egg pie and chocolate croissant and ignore everyone else while pretending I'm getting lots of answers. When I hit the wall I call Jared who works very hard at RDU however he still manages to find a few precious minutes to help me with any I am stuck on. If you can help me with these I would be most grateful...anybody, not just Jared.

Bridal accessory from the fashion shop or toy shop. (5,5) Something something D something L something something something I something. I'm thinking Model something?

He puts a word in when required. (8) Something R something something something T something something. Although if the previous answer starts with model, then the fourth letter will be M.

8. Dad's tomatoes.

I don't even like tomatoes, except in sauce and soup however my dad grows the best tomatoes in the world. Here is a photo of them. Even though there are in a glasshouse they are still susceptible to frost so I've got my eye on you Trewinnard. Speaking of frost, the bloody frost wiped out my parents glorious magnolia tree mentioned in the first five favourites and I didn't hear a peep out of Trewinnard warning local residents about that. Trewinnard!

9. My boxing man.

He's not strictly my boxing man as he trains lots of people but Peter Bell is great. I go and see him for 60 minutes of pain when I'm in Christchurch and get well fisted in the ring. He has a wee terrier dog called Louis, named after Joe Louis and sometimes plays Johnny Cash while he cripples me. He has a photo of him and Ali on the wall. He also highly recommends cayenne pepper in 25 mm of tomato juice as a cure for every ailment known to man however if Trewinnard is wrong there will be no tomato juice and we will all die.

10. Tap-dancing.

Yesterday I had my first tap-dancing lesson for free and I found out I am crap at tap-dancing. Think of all the money I have saved on tap-dancing lessons that I can spend on blue faced ladies and records. Brilliant.