Rubber rubber Rasputin.

Happy New Year everybody. New Years are great because they come around without you having to do anything and are free. I think the only other thing that regenerates regularly without costing you anything is Dr. Who and according to some other blogs I've read this has just happened as well. I wish New Zealand would catch up with the rest of the Dr. Who world. We're still half-way through William Hartnell's run and are eagerly awaiting the arrival of a young upstart called Patrick Troughton who has black floppy hair and looks like the star of another popular show here called 'The Monkees'. New Years is also good as no matter what the year by the time you get to December 31st everyone is sick of it and has been saying things like, "Well, it can't be any worse than this year", "Next year is going to be the best year ever" and "Next year will be shit but it won't be as shit as last year and the year after next will be the best year ever."

My 2009 ended on a sour note, sort of like a G flat. I don't want to name names or blame anyone however you my dear readers are to blame. I admit my last post was a bit rushed and rubbish however it did have a picture and a couple of links and if you had read it you may have come to see me as Rudolph in 'Rudolph'. This would have been good cause in one show we only had about 70 people which is fine when you're playing a small venue like the mens urinals in Albert Park but is a bit depressing when you're prancing round dressed as a big brown pooh in the big brown 1200 seat Bruce Mason Theatre. I went and saw Boney M at the Bruce Mason and Boney wasn't even there, it was just Liz Mitchell with a couple of backing singers and a backing tape and she had lots more people than 70 in her audience. It was a good gig though, she's still got a marvellous set of pipes and I danced and sang along to 'Rasputin' with the best of them. For most of my youth I thought the lyrics to Rasputin were "Ra Ra Rafferty, rubber rubber Rafferty, you get a seat and you get it gone", so I felt all high and mighty to finally know the correct lyrics and sing them with Liz herself. "Ra ra Rasputin, rubber rubber Rasputin, you get a seat and you get it gone!"

Anyway, there I was checking Facebook every five minutes after I'd posted my post anticipating all the notifications piling up in my note box from friends telling me how they 'liked' my post and maybe, God willing, the occasional comment. After every five minutes without a single notification another tear filled my eye and finally after two days of checking every five minutes I  poured all the tears I'd collected into Puss Puss's water bowl so at least one of God's creatures could find some pleasure from my pain.

I'm not going to dwell on it. I know you're all busy people and I know it takes seconds to click on that 'like' tab. I know that because I've just done it myself on my own post. That is what you have brought me to people, I've had to publish to the world that I'm the only one who liked my last post. I am officially the saddest man in 2010. And don't even think about going back and saying how much you like it now, I don't need your pity, I've got murder mysteries for that.

Right, now that's done, let's get on with some New Year's resolutions. Usually my resolutions are things like, "Write a play that will be staged at the West End, Broadway and The Forge simultaneously." or "Come second in  The Sunday Star Times Short Story Competition", however those resolutions are dumb because they are just too difficult. I always forget about the Sunday Star Short Story competition until I see the entry form a week before the competition closes and cut it out thinking $5000 would be handy and then the next thing I know I'm reading the winning story about someone's father who died from eating too many potatos while a taniwha floats menacingly on a raft. So this year I'm making them really easy.

1. Publish a new blog post once a week. (Done)

2. Wear my new glasses everyday. They are not strictly new as the frames are vintage. I got them from a place called Cutler and Gross in London and I've convinced myself they used to belong to Ronnie Barker and the ear bits are slowly osmositically transferring Ronnie's creative juices into my brain so this time next year I will have my own BBC sit-com about a stuttering dead-pan Kiwi folk musician trying to make it in London while running a corner store. Here is a photo of me wearing the glasses next to the cat's arse to prove I'm well on track with this resolution. The Ronnie Barker resemblance is uncanny isn't it.

3. Stroke the cat everyday. (Done. See photo.)

4. Drink my tea with no sugar. (Done)

5. Buy an Apple. This will be a big one as an Apple Pro iMacpodintosh II is very expensive but I'm determined to finally do away with my crappy PC and get a hot looking box free monitor driven desktop to plug my Zune into.

Ummm...that will do for now. I will think of five more resolutions for my next post next week...or maybe even earlier. That's what I did for my ten things I love about Christchurch series and that was hugely successful so here's hoping the trend continues. If it doesn't Puss Puss will have her thirst quenched again with my tears so no harm done.