Trademeat

Those of you waiting with bated breath for my final five new years resolutions will have to bate themselves a bit longer. It will be hard but you can master the bate...can you see where I'm trying to get to here, I can't be bothered going through the next few steps so let's just skip to...masterbated breath. Whew.

I've lost interest in more resolutions but the other five may turn up around June as mid-year resolutions so keep an eye out then. What has caught my eye even though my eye wasn't out is yet another headline concerning yet another figure of national importance accused of indecently assaulting yet another young person. What the hell is going on? Why have all our  national figures decided to start touching children inappropriately? There must be a reason or at least someone or something to blame. Usually when this sort of thing happens people blame video games and the lack of role models so I'm going to blame 'Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10'.

Good golly, that's a cum-face if ever there was one. And perhaps the celebrities thought Tiger was implying it's OK to touch wii people inappropriately as long as they are aged 3+ and your PAL.

Whenever I see these headlines I head immediately to the General Discussion section on the Trademe Community Message Board to find out who the accused of national prominence is. I've never bidded, bought or sold on Trademe but the discussion forums are filled with strange people wanting to discuss things with stranger people about strangers. In this case the identity of the latest name supressed has not surfaced although at least one trademeite has asked the question. It doesn't matter though as you can entertain yourself for minutes reading the other threads...here are a list of thread headings at the moment:

I WORE A WHITE DRESS AND PEOPLE LOOKED AT ME LIKE

Ppl at the movies are so messy

Is New Zealand a bigger version of Pitcairn Island?

Is 12 hours long enough to charge a cellphone for?

Finished the ham yet?

woodchips in place of dogs ashes

do the swissballs come any smaller?

OMG my cat just came home after 4-5 days missing

moose get in here

50 year old women - do you regret your tattoo?

I'm sure if you amassed enough of these things you could make some stunning beat poetry to read in an underground New York club and people would think you were groovy and wait on your next utterance with bated breath but I'm off to see Avatar. Wish me luck.