When Did You Last See Your Career?

I'm sure you will all be relieved to know the opening show on Saturday night went very well and we got a good review so I won't need to write a whole post bitching about reviewers. Everyone said their lines in the right places and nobody walked into the furniture. My laptop obediently sat in 'doze-mode' while its lid was down and fired up quickly when I opened it to do some computer acting. The lights didn't fall down, the set didn't fall down and nobody's pants fell down which was a bit of a shame as that's always a highlight. One of my fondest theatrical memories was going to see a marvellous farce called 'When Did You Last See Your Trousers', written by two legendary British writers Ray Galton and John Antrobus. It was staged at the Repertory Theatre in Christchurch and featured the current Christchurch mayor Bob Parker in the starring role. I couldn't find any images of that production but here's one of another production to give you an idea of why it is the best play ever!

What you are looking at here is comedy gold. All the necessary elements to leave every seat in the theatre moist and smelling of piss are present. Lots of middle-aged white people in their underwear, lots of doors and a tit-grab. The only element missing is a comedy chase in a circle...or is it....

God, I'm LOLANDLMAOANDROTFLANDLQTM all at the same time...and that's just at the set. This production was staged at the Edward Alderton Theatre at Bexleyheath in Kent and full credit to them. I went and saw the Repertory production decades ago with a friend who is now a very important man of arts so I will disguise his identity by calling him Craig Pooper. We laughed like drains through the whole thing, especially when Bob Parker delivered the immortal line, "Oh my god, I've shagged the au pair" with even better timing than Jude Law could have mustered. It also helped that we were both very very drunk and surrounded by ladies with blue hair.

After our opening on Saturday I went out to the foyer and got very very drunk again thanks to the kind sponsorship of Villa Maria. There were lots of actors flocking around talking in different accents and saying 'darling' to each other, lots of Remuera people who either couldn't stop smiling because of their face-lifts or couldn't start smiling because of their botox injections and lots of list MP's who looked confused about why they were there and what they were meant to be doing. There was also a lovely speech where Roger Hall found out he wasn't New Zealand's funniest playwright anymore and an exemplary selection of cold meats. All in all a fine and fun night.

We've done another two shows since them with forums afterwards where people get to ask the cast and crew important questions like:

'How do you learn your lines?'
'Is this your full-time job?'
'How do you not forget your lines?'
'Are you students?'
'Is it hard to remember all your lines?'
'Have you been on Shortland Street?'
'Have you ever forgotten your lines?'
'Were any of you in 'Where Did You Last See Your Trousers'?'

I've just been reading the synopsis of the Trouser play and it also features a gorilla, a punk and a randy constable so I'm going to try and get the rights and put it on myself at Vector Arena or The Basement. If anybody would like to audition just email me photos of yourself in your underwear running around in a circle.

Don't call me and I won't call you.