It's not that easy being red. Lefty, pinko, liberal, commie, Marxist, socialist hippies just aren't as popular as they once were in New Zealand. Imagine being red and ginger. Then you'd be a ginga lefty. Or a ranga pinko. Or a carrot top commie fanta pants socialist. Imagine being red and ginger and maybe gay. Wow. Then you'd be a flaming fanta pants socialist. Or a ranga homo pinko pillow-biter. Or a fanta pant fudge packing hippie carrot riding leftie screaming liberal shirt lifting friend of Dorothy commie. Ginger is also rhyming slang for gay...ginger beer...queer...yeah, so to make things easier you could just be a red ginger ginger.
Imagine then if you were being investigated by police after an alleged late night incident of a sexual nature involving an 18 year old male. What if a man matching the description of the complainant was seen naked and distressed at 5am, "with one hand over his private parts and the other hand with his thumb out, hitch-hiking." This is a comedy goldmine and has all the potential to be as hilarious as this new in-flight safety video from New Zealand's national carrier featuring Richard Simmons. Paul Henry's in the video as well.
Paul Henry would have a field day with this story but now the only way to see him on screen is by flying from Palmerston North to Hamilton. Luckily another media heavy weight has stepped up, the Herald on Sunday's Rachel Glucina. I'd never heard of Glucina before. Previously I'd have guessed that Glucina could be a nasty little STD that just won't go away. Now I know she's a gossip columnist.
Glucina took a leaf out of David Letterman's book and created a top ten list but unlike Letterman, who has 101 writers locked in his basement to write gags and eat in the event of an apocalyptic episode, she did hers all by herself. You can see the result here...or here.
There are so many levels at work here, the gutter, the sewer, rock bottom. Rock bottom! You missed out on that one Rachel. Let's go through them one by one and see what she's doing.
10. This is funny because Chris Carter was also kicked out of the Labour Party and wait for it...Chris Carter is GAY.
9. This is funny because everyone knows that people with red hair all look the same. Darren Hughes, Ron Weasley, Rupert Grint, whoever he is, Napoleon, Lucille Ball, Molly Ringwald, Ron Howard, L Ron Hubbard, Tiffany...you just can't tell the difference. A few years ago Glucina couldn't tell the difference between Donna Awatere-Huata and a Korean woman named Ms Kim. Under a photo of Ms Kim on Ponsonby Road Glucina gushed, "Now the former Maori activist, who appears to look more Pakeha every time I see her, has a chic new image."
8. This is funny because everyone knows that people with red hair look exactly like objects that are red. Darren's hair is flame-red which means he looks like a fire engine, although he could also pass for a stop sign, a Ferrari or the flag of China. Rachel has missed out on an obvious firehose gag here though. "Put his flame-red hair to work and get a job as Flick the Little Fire Engine and flick his hose at children's shows." Much funnier.
7. This is funny because now Hughes would be surrounded by drunk 18 year old males. Could he control himself? How many could he lure back to Chris Carter's spare room? Could Chris control himself? Could Chris's partner Peter control himself? Could every gay man in New Zealand control themselves? Hilarious!
6. This is funny because red haired people sunburn very easily. And they're all stupid.
5. This is funny because rather than try and keep things under wraps, Hughes publicly named himself last Wednesday. What a fool! Now imagine if he worked for the Security Intelligence Service...stop laughing now.
4. See number 7. Nice use of the words 'hang out' and 'men-tor' though.
3. This is funny because as a ginger man he will undoubtedly have ginger pubes and hence ginger nuts. Gingernuts are also biscuits. Gingernuts are dunked in tea. Tea-bagging is when a man dunks his nuts into someone else's mouth. This one could be funnier that Glucina ever realised.
2. I don't know why this is funny. Unless Rodney Hide is GAY. It does continue her hilarious theme of placing a potentially gay man around young people.
1. Wow. 'Just bum around.' Bum. Bum bum. Bum bum bum. Bum bummy bum. Bumpity bum bummy bum bum. Bumming. Bumming's Warehouse. Hot cross bum chums. Innuendo. In-your-end-do. Out-your-end-do. Prick Up Your Ears! I'm free!
Comedy at minorities expense. Funny isn't it.
Imagine then if you were being investigated by police after an alleged late night incident of a sexual nature involving an 18 year old male. What if a man matching the description of the complainant was seen naked and distressed at 5am, "with one hand over his private parts and the other hand with his thumb out, hitch-hiking." This is a comedy goldmine and has all the potential to be as hilarious as this new in-flight safety video from New Zealand's national carrier featuring Richard Simmons. Paul Henry's in the video as well.
Paul Henry would have a field day with this story but now the only way to see him on screen is by flying from Palmerston North to Hamilton. Luckily another media heavy weight has stepped up, the Herald on Sunday's Rachel Glucina. I'd never heard of Glucina before. Previously I'd have guessed that Glucina could be a nasty little STD that just won't go away. Now I know she's a gossip columnist.
Glucina took a leaf out of David Letterman's book and created a top ten list but unlike Letterman, who has 101 writers locked in his basement to write gags and eat in the event of an apocalyptic episode, she did hers all by herself. You can see the result here...or here.
10. This is funny because Chris Carter was also kicked out of the Labour Party and wait for it...Chris Carter is GAY.
9. This is funny because everyone knows that people with red hair all look the same. Darren Hughes, Ron Weasley, Rupert Grint, whoever he is, Napoleon, Lucille Ball, Molly Ringwald, Ron Howard, L Ron Hubbard, Tiffany...you just can't tell the difference. A few years ago Glucina couldn't tell the difference between Donna Awatere-Huata and a Korean woman named Ms Kim. Under a photo of Ms Kim on Ponsonby Road Glucina gushed, "Now the former Maori activist, who appears to look more Pakeha every time I see her, has a chic new image."
8. This is funny because everyone knows that people with red hair look exactly like objects that are red. Darren's hair is flame-red which means he looks like a fire engine, although he could also pass for a stop sign, a Ferrari or the flag of China. Rachel has missed out on an obvious firehose gag here though. "Put his flame-red hair to work and get a job as Flick the Little Fire Engine and flick his hose at children's shows." Much funnier.
7. This is funny because now Hughes would be surrounded by drunk 18 year old males. Could he control himself? How many could he lure back to Chris Carter's spare room? Could Chris control himself? Could Chris's partner Peter control himself? Could every gay man in New Zealand control themselves? Hilarious!
6. This is funny because red haired people sunburn very easily. And they're all stupid.
5. This is funny because rather than try and keep things under wraps, Hughes publicly named himself last Wednesday. What a fool! Now imagine if he worked for the Security Intelligence Service...stop laughing now.
4. See number 7. Nice use of the words 'hang out' and 'men-tor' though.
3. This is funny because as a ginger man he will undoubtedly have ginger pubes and hence ginger nuts. Gingernuts are also biscuits. Gingernuts are dunked in tea. Tea-bagging is when a man dunks his nuts into someone else's mouth. This one could be funnier that Glucina ever realised.
2. I don't know why this is funny. Unless Rodney Hide is GAY. It does continue her hilarious theme of placing a potentially gay man around young people.
1. Wow. 'Just bum around.' Bum. Bum bum. Bum bum bum. Bum bummy bum. Bumpity bum bummy bum bum. Bumming. Bumming's Warehouse. Hot cross bum chums. Innuendo. In-your-end-do. Out-your-end-do. Prick Up Your Ears! I'm free!
Comedy at minorities expense. Funny isn't it.
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