I think I might have just been plagiarised. Just a little bit plagiarised. Although I plagiarised a little bit as well, this person plagiarised all of my little bit of plagiarism...which means they are a much worse plagiarist than I. I think.
I'll try and get through the exposition as quickly as possible because it's tedious. A few weeks ago a sweet man named Simon Sweetman asked for submissions to write his blog for him. Sweetman writes a blog called 'Blog on The Tracks' for stuff.co.nz, the site to go to if you want to read every newspaper in New Zealand except The Herald on Sunday to avoid Gossip Queen Rachel Glucina.
When you see the blog's banner it becomes obvious it's a music blog. Simon obviously loves his music and appears to own the biggest turntable I've ever seen. I don't know what else he does besides blogging but he should definitely be a radio DJ: "Hi, I'm Simon Sweetman, playing the sweet sounds all night long, so get off your seat and move your feet and let the Sweetman make you feel sweet.....maaaaaaan. Here's some Jack Johnson..."
Anyway, back to the heinous crime. I quite like a bit of music and possess two normal sized turntables so I thought I'd post an entry to his 'Right This Blog 2011' competition. Not that you could win anything. Your prize was being one of the five selected by Simon to do Simon's job for him. It's sort of like that trick Tom Sawyer pulled to get stupid people to whitewash his fence.
“No — is that so? Oh come, now — lemme just blog. Only just a little — I’d let YOU, if you was me, Simon Sweetman.” … “Oh, shucks, I’ll be just as careful. Now lemme blog. Say — I’ll give you my little turntable.” . . . “I’ll give you BOTH of it!”
Here's my entry...
I'll try and get through the exposition as quickly as possible because it's tedious. A few weeks ago a sweet man named Simon Sweetman asked for submissions to write his blog for him. Sweetman writes a blog called 'Blog on The Tracks' for stuff.co.nz, the site to go to if you want to read every newspaper in New Zealand except The Herald on Sunday to avoid Gossip Queen Rachel Glucina.
Anyway, back to the heinous crime. I quite like a bit of music and possess two normal sized turntables so I thought I'd post an entry to his 'Right This Blog 2011' competition. Not that you could win anything. Your prize was being one of the five selected by Simon to do Simon's job for him. It's sort of like that trick Tom Sawyer pulled to get stupid people to whitewash his fence.
“No — is that so? Oh come, now — lemme just blog. Only just a little — I’d let YOU, if you was me, Simon Sweetman.” … “Oh, shucks, I’ll be just as careful. Now lemme blog. Say — I’ll give you my little turntable.” . . . “I’ll give you BOTH of it!”
Here's my entry...
I apologise that it's smaller than I'd like but all you need to know is the title of my post would have been 'Men Who Like M|A|R|R|S, Women Who Like Venus'. I was quite proud of this title. I'm not so proud of, "I am a 37 year old music fan who will bring the noise", but in my defence it was 1.39am, (11.39pm in Melbourne) and I was a little drunk. Bring the noise!? What the hell was I thinking?
Anyway, back to the heinous crime. My heinous crime was plagiarising the title of a well-known heterosexual coupling advice book 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' by John Gray. I'm sorry John but at least I changed the Mars to M|A|R|R|S. M|A|R|R|S only released one song but it was a seminal wonderful masterpiece of a song called 'Pump Up The Volume'. Stop reading now and click the link to listen to it, I promise you won't regret it. The video is just as brilliant. Astronauts! Cosmonauts! Nauts & Crosses! I could write a whole post about this song I love it so much. I bought it lovingly on vinyl about 20 years ago from Round-about Records at the Northlands Shopping Centre and here is a photo that took about 20 years to take on my shitty iPhone of me looking lovingly at it today.
But back to the second heinous crime. After finding out on Monday Simon Sweetman hadn't chosen me to whitewash his blog, I popped online this morning and saw with horrified teary eyes...this.
Sweetmaaaaannnnnnnnn! What have you done! Sweetman's post is based around his belief that, "Women do have terrible taste in music. More often than men do." Based on my experience this is utter bollocks. The truth is everyone has terrible taste in music except me, but that's not the point. The point is I think Simon might have plagiarised my plagiarism and made it worse by not even pumping up 'Pump Up The Volume'. 'Men listen to guitars' doesn't even scan. He could have used 'Men listen to Lars', 'Men listen to NAS' or even 'Men listen to Jarres'.
He even nicked my bloody Feelers gag...
I'm the only one that's allowed to rip into The Feelers! I was doing it before you were born Sweetman! You can't handle The Feelers!!! You're not a sweet man at all Simon Sweetman. From now on I'm calling you Simon Sourman. And I'm calling your blog 'Blog on the Nickelbacks' cos I bet you secretly love the Nickelbacks. Yeah, how does that feel Mr Feeler stealer?
Not so good huh?
Yeah, you know it.
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