It’s probably a coincidence that on the day my blog received its highest ever traffic the entire blogger.com site crashes, but let’s pretend it’s not. My wee blog has brought blogger.com which is owned by another wee company called Google to its knees. My blog stopped Google. My blog is so popular it crashed the internet.
Right now someone somewhere is switching the internet off to let cool down for two minutes to reboot its buffer before turning it back on again. They may also be trying the trick some IT savvy person told me about years ago of dropping your computer onto the ground from a height of 3-5 centimetres to jiggle its valves and transponderesistors. I hope it works. I would hate to think my post about Australian Masterchef was so popular it destroyed the greatest infopornological invention since Anita McNaught.
Luckily not everything has gone down. Microsoft Word is still running fine and I’m using it to write this while having a Skype conversation with the Microsoft paperclip. Seek.com.au is still working which is handy because I desperately need a short-term temping gig. If anyone in Melbourne is reading this and needs someone to do anything for something please get in touch...I’m very good at fixing computers. Twitter also seems to have survived my blog which is fantastic because I’m twitting with George Michael.
Yes, you read it right, George Michael. George and I are best buddies and he tells me everything about everyone, everyday. Regular readers will already know of my great admiration for George and may have even seen the photo of George and I which I will repost now...and no, it's not photoshopped.
Two days ago George had a press conference to tell the world he was going on tour with an orchestra. When successful pop-stars get to a certain age they tire of writing new songs and sing their old ones with an orchestra. The size of the orchestra is a measure of how successful they are. Sting had set the bar high with his 40 member Symphonicity tour, but George has given Sting one in the eye by announcing his Symphonica tour with a 41 member orchestra. George has an extra trombonist. There is talk that a stung Sting is thinking of adding an extra triangle player and a big nipple gongist so prepare yourselves for the mother of all orchestra wars. By the time George hits downunder there may be no venues left big enough to accommodate all his playing members.
Anyway, I knew about this tour a week before any of you because George told me.
Why he calls me people is anyone’s guess but he’s famous and eccentric so who cares. Yesterday he told me he’d been to the dentist...
I think he may have forgotten my name and is using the affectionate term ‘everyone’ because he is too embarrassed to ask. His memory may be going but his sense of humour is as sharp as ever...
LOL! George tells me everything...
I thought he was upset with Blogger being down as well when he posted this...
So I replied with this...
But I must have got completely the wrong end of the stick because he came back with this…
I didn’t know how to reply to that so I didn’t reply. I hate it when he yells at me. I think he might be a bit drunk. Or stoned. Maybe both.
God, I hope he doesn’t go out driving again.
Right now someone somewhere is switching the internet off to let cool down for two minutes to reboot its buffer before turning it back on again. They may also be trying the trick some IT savvy person told me about years ago of dropping your computer onto the ground from a height of 3-5 centimetres to jiggle its valves and transponderesistors. I hope it works. I would hate to think my post about Australian Masterchef was so popular it destroyed the greatest infopornological invention since Anita McNaught.
Luckily not everything has gone down. Microsoft Word is still running fine and I’m using it to write this while having a Skype conversation with the Microsoft paperclip. Seek.com.au is still working which is handy because I desperately need a short-term temping gig. If anyone in Melbourne is reading this and needs someone to do anything for something please get in touch...I’m very good at fixing computers. Twitter also seems to have survived my blog which is fantastic because I’m twitting with George Michael.
Yes, you read it right, George Michael. George and I are best buddies and he tells me everything about everyone, everyday. Regular readers will already know of my great admiration for George and may have even seen the photo of George and I which I will repost now...and no, it's not photoshopped.
Two days ago George had a press conference to tell the world he was going on tour with an orchestra. When successful pop-stars get to a certain age they tire of writing new songs and sing their old ones with an orchestra. The size of the orchestra is a measure of how successful they are. Sting had set the bar high with his 40 member Symphonicity tour, but George has given Sting one in the eye by announcing his Symphonica tour with a 41 member orchestra. George has an extra trombonist. There is talk that a stung Sting is thinking of adding an extra triangle player and a big nipple gongist so prepare yourselves for the mother of all orchestra wars. By the time George hits downunder there may be no venues left big enough to accommodate all his playing members.
Anyway, I knew about this tour a week before any of you because George told me.
Why he calls me people is anyone’s guess but he’s famous and eccentric so who cares. Yesterday he told me he’d been to the dentist...
I think he may have forgotten my name and is using the affectionate term ‘everyone’ because he is too embarrassed to ask. His memory may be going but his sense of humour is as sharp as ever...
LOL! George tells me everything...
I thought he was upset with Blogger being down as well when he posted this...
So I replied with this...
But I must have got completely the wrong end of the stick because he came back with this…
I didn’t know how to reply to that so I didn’t reply. I hate it when he yells at me. I think he might be a bit drunk. Or stoned. Maybe both.
God, I hope he doesn’t go out driving again.
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