Most of you will be aware that Christchurch is significantly smaller than it was this time last year. Gerry Brownlee, the Earthquake Recovery Minister is significantly bigger than he was this time last year. Unless you're Rachel Hunter, Phil Keoghan or Scribe there's no way you're getting into the CBD to see where Christchurch is going however I have discovered the truth and with no regard to my personal safety shall divulge it to you all. Gerry Brownlee is eating Christchurch. I have created a stunningly realistic and disturbing representation of Gerry Brownlee hard at work in the red zone, eating bars, yeah wall to wall, door to door, hall to hall, he's gonna eat 'em all.
By the end of 2012 it is estimated 60% of the Christchurch CBD will be in Gerry's tummy but will that be enough to sate Gerry's insatiable appetite for all things historic and Gothic? Not bloody likely. This is just the beginning. Once New Zealand has elected the one Key to rule them all, Gerry will be unleashed to stomp up and down the length of The Long White Cloud eating anything with a smidgen of beauty or design aesthetic. Gerry and John's wealthy friends will erect tilt-slab monstrosities to celebrate before Gerry shits bricks over any electorate foolish enough to have elected a Labour MP.
On a happier note it's a beautiful sunny day and the entire country is fizzing at the bung with the prospect of watching Jonah Lomu being shot out of a cannon with a million bucks worth of fireworks up his bum. The RWC opening extravaganza is also going to feature 1000 dancing volunteers and video projections so it sounds like we're in for a big flash mob with some flash slides. I can't wait. Maybe The Feelers will sing their Jesus Jones song as Jonah Lomu's bum lights up Gerryzilla on top of Mt Albert breathing fire into Helen Clarke's old electorate office? Hayley Westenra might have a wardrobe malfunction during the national anthem when Vince Harder makes a grab for her right tit? Peter Jackson might just CGI the whole thing and we'll never know? Who knows.
All I do know is that the National Government will not allow the All Blacks to not win the Rugby World Cup as this is the only thing that could stop them getting into power. If you've seen that marvelous film The Running Man you'll know what can be done with televisual-trickery and I suspect Weta Digital are already whipping up AB wins galore with their MASSIVE software as I type. If the US can fake a moon landing PJ can fake a World Cup win in his sleep. PJ owes John and Gerryzilla big time for coming into bat for him during The Hobbit fiasco so I'm sure he'll do a terrific job.
I'd like to finish now with a shout out to all the beavers beavering away on The Ultimate Beaver Campaign 2011. As a dwarf said in Twin Peaks, 'It is happening again.' Like the inhabitants of Twin Peaks, the beavers know something terrible is going on but have no understanding of why it is happening and how to stop it...happening again. Recently Pom Poms let me know that my blogs of that time are being circulated amongst the bewildered beavers, so to those of you who continue to contact Nippon Meat Packers and struggle under the weight of ineptitude that is the Grand Beaver, I wish you a big kia kaha from the bottom of my beaver.
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| Gerryzilla hard at work |
On a happier note it's a beautiful sunny day and the entire country is fizzing at the bung with the prospect of watching Jonah Lomu being shot out of a cannon with a million bucks worth of fireworks up his bum. The RWC opening extravaganza is also going to feature 1000 dancing volunteers and video projections so it sounds like we're in for a big flash mob with some flash slides. I can't wait. Maybe The Feelers will sing their Jesus Jones song as Jonah Lomu's bum lights up Gerryzilla on top of Mt Albert breathing fire into Helen Clarke's old electorate office? Hayley Westenra might have a wardrobe malfunction during the national anthem when Vince Harder makes a grab for her right tit? Peter Jackson might just CGI the whole thing and we'll never know? Who knows.
All I do know is that the National Government will not allow the All Blacks to not win the Rugby World Cup as this is the only thing that could stop them getting into power. If you've seen that marvelous film The Running Man you'll know what can be done with televisual-trickery and I suspect Weta Digital are already whipping up AB wins galore with their MASSIVE software as I type. If the US can fake a moon landing PJ can fake a World Cup win in his sleep. PJ owes John and Gerryzilla big time for coming into bat for him during The Hobbit fiasco so I'm sure he'll do a terrific job.
I'd like to finish now with a shout out to all the beavers beavering away on The Ultimate Beaver Campaign 2011. As a dwarf said in Twin Peaks, 'It is happening again.' Like the inhabitants of Twin Peaks, the beavers know something terrible is going on but have no understanding of why it is happening and how to stop it...happening again. Recently Pom Poms let me know that my blogs of that time are being circulated amongst the bewildered beavers, so to those of you who continue to contact Nippon Meat Packers and struggle under the weight of ineptitude that is the Grand Beaver, I wish you a big kia kaha from the bottom of my beaver.
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