A few of my favourite things...

I'm nearly at the end of week two of an eight week tour of duty in Christchurch. I just went to that link I just linked to and it welcomed me to the future christchurch.co.nz website however we don't seem to have reached the future yet because it's not working. By the looks of things in the future we will all be speaking another language where every sentence starts with 'lorem ipsum' although it does tell you that the temperature in Christchurch was 11 degrees on July 23 2006.

That's the best thing about Christchurch, time stands still. I bet if you come here in the year 3009 things won't have changed much. The square will still be a bit rubbish, there will be cyboyg racers in modified hover cars and old people's heads preserved in jars of bubbling liquid will moan about the price of heat pumps on telepathic talkback stations.

It's easy to moan about Christchurch so I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to tell you a few of my favourite things that only Christchurch has to offer. So, in no particular order...

1. The Magnolia tree down my folk's drive.

Look at this pretty puppy. There are heaps of magnolia trees in Christchurch and right now they are flowering beautifully but they are all shit compared to my mum and dad's magnolia tree just outside the bedroom window. This is the mother of all magnolia trees and as I back the Corolla (more on this soon) down the drive and knock a few of the flowers off with the wing mirror I feel blessed that the Cooper magnolia tree shits all over every other magnolia tree in Christchurch and probably the world. Last year mum and dad awoke to find two Japanese tourists up the drive taking photos of each other in front of it. It's that popular. If you think you have a better magnolia tree post a picture of it or shut your pie hole. Words are meaningless, images are everything. This photo isn't even the best it's looked, it looked heaps better a few days ago but it's still better than your magnolia tree isn't it. Yes....yes it is.

2. The weather.

The weather has been really nice.

3. The Court Theatre bar.

I'm down here doing a play at The Court Theatre. The Court Theatre, like Christchurch is another place where time stands still. Everytime I rehearse in the upstairs rehearsal room the ghosts of old actors surround me and the voices of Peacock, Wilson, Cooper (another Cooper, no relation), Fogarty, Butt-Walker, Corbin, Gorman, Glubb, Spargo, Cosgrove, Olivier, Jacobi, Richardson and Gielgud seem to whisper in my ear, "What the fuck are you doing back here?". I wonder where they all are now? Thanks to Facebook I know where they all are now, except for Gary Gielgud....I wonder where he is now? Anyway, the best thing about the Court is the bar where like time, the prices have stood still. As a member of the theatre company I can get booze so cheap it would makes your eyes water and drip into your glass of booze so your booze would be made up of your own tears which may have some alcoholic content but would still be more expensive than my booze. My booze is cheaper than your own tears, it's that cheap. The barman/woman at the Court have been great as well. For most of my life I was served by Jan who was brilliant and wouldn't serve gin to anyone under 40. Then there was a lovely man with the brilliant name of David Bain who has just left to make barrels for Peter Jackson. Next up is an Anglican priest apparently...brilliant. There is no better feeling than drinking booze before an early show on Mondays and Thursdays and knowing you are paying less than all the moaning geriatrics who normally get things cheaper than you. They have worked hard their whole life, fought in two world wars and your booze is at least $2 cheaper than theirs. Brilliant!

4. KFC.

Regular readers will know about my love for the dirty bird. There's a drive-through on Papanui Road on the way home from the theatre. What makes it even more special is that I get to drive through in....

5. The Corolla

This is the kicker and makes every trip to Christchurch worthwhile. When I'm down here I get to cruise around in this. Yes, you're not hallucinating, this pimped out piece of Japanese perfection has fuckin louvers. Louvers at the rear! This is a 1989 Toyota Corolla, 5 door, touring also known as the sexiest car ever made and I get to drive it every day and watch the faces of all the jealous locals who wish they were driving it and I'm not even a local anymore. This thing drives like it looks, moderately well. Here is a link to a wee film to see it in action.

So many good things. I was hoping to get to 10 but I have to stop here and go and learn some lines. I will finish the list in the next post. If you would like to go for a ride in the Corolla or just stroke my louver let me know.